You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
