Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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