I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
