Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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