my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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