Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
