You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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