It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
