i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
