the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
