This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
