i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
