so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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