I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
