Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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