I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize