I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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