Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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