you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize