i think i scared a bird with my dick
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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