hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
