you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
