Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
