Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
