He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
