it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
