don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found your dick twin last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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