my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
