He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
