He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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