Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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