is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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