so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
