I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
