so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
