do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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