you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
