I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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