No stitches, just platelets and will power
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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