Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
