is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
