why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
