His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
