Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
