her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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