Kiss
Puke
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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