His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize