If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
