and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The air taste purple.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
