you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
