McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
