I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
