Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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