In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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