Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize