So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
