The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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