i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
