why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
