theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
