you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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