if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
